Don't Forget to Have FUN!

Today I thought I'd let you have a glimpse of what's been going on the last 3 weeks I've been back in Madison! 

This was a spontaneous outing with my friends to the lake! Basically we just wandered around laughing, exploring, dancing, and pyramid making! 

The house I'm living in for the summer had an amazing garden! We have been well stocked with fresh strawberries which is the best thing ever!

While being so diligent in doing my homework, I fell into such deep thought that I fell asleep, pencil in hand. My lovely house mates found me like this and took the initiative to have a photo shoot. Thanks, friends!

After a particularly long day, I found myself unwinding by playing with the neighbors toys. There was no child involved in this scene, or even in the house... Other than myself I guess. (thanks Chels for the lovely picture that I did not know was happening.) 

I did the color run for the first time!!!! These 3 definitely made it an adventure! 

However, after the color run, we went to go get ice cream. Aaaand the car broke down so we became stranded.

Rest in peace Ol' Red.... 

I know it might be hard to believe, but I really have been working since being back! Working, and working hard! 

The last 2 weeks I've been in staff training for this coming DTS (which starts in 2 days!) and we've been very busy preparing, planning, and praying! But as you can see, despite the busyness, there's always time to get out and go adventure! 

~Loves~ 

The War Between Fear & Courage

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear." -Mark Twain

Fear. 

This word has been on my mind a lot recently. 

Today I decided to tackle the ghastly task of cleaning out an old dresser in my room. In the midst of the chaos I found a few old journals, so of course all cleaning came to a halt as I sat down and flipped through pages and pages of my life. I saw the same theme over the years. 

"I'm afraid of what might be coming next"

"I'm afraid that God won't come through this time"

"I didn't talk to this person I felt led to talk to because I was afraid of their reaction"

How much have I missed over the years because of this word that has been known to dominate my actions and emotions? What steps have I not taken? What words have I not said? 

Fear. 

It seems daunting, intimidating, impossible to conquer, but then I flip the coin. 

What is the opposite of fear? 

COURAGE.

"The ability to do something that is frightening"

"bravery, boldness, confidence" 

Fear asks if I made the right decision to step out, if I'm even going the right way. 

Courage tells me that HE is the way. 

(Jn. 14:6)

Fear asks if I'll have money this month to pay rent.

Courage tells me that my God will meet all my needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. 

(Phil. 4:19) 

Fear asks if I'm afraid to be in this alone.

Courage tells me to be strong and courageous because the Lord himself will go before me and be with me. He will NEVER leave me.

(Deut. 31:7,8)

Fear asks me why I'm so weak and timid.

Courage tells me that HIS power is made perfect in weakness. When I am weak, HE is strong.

(2 Corinth. 12:9,10) 

Living in fear does not have to be my reality. Fear is a choice, and fear is a lie. Rise above the fear, choose courage. 

"When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose words I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?" -Psalm 56:3,4

"The Lord is my light and my salvation-

whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the stronghold of my life- 

of whom shall I be afraid?" 

-Psalm 27:1

Learning about A B & C

I realized that I apparently haven't updated since the students came. How is that even possible? But here I am now! We are approaching the end of lecture phase already! (wait what?!) it's a crazy ride. I'm busier than I ever imagined possible, growing in areas I used to be terrified of, and making friendships that will last forever! Today's updated will be about a few specific things I've been learning: 

A is for "Acceptance" 

I have power. I am worth loving. My words have value. I am bold. I am not delicate. I am a friend of God. I am beloved. 

Sound prideful? I thought so too. I've had many people speak life into me while being here. Not even just here, people have told me these things for years. But having other people tell me, vs me telling me these things, and actually believing these things, that's a different story! I'm learning that it isn't prideful to live out the things that God has put in me. I'm learning to walk these things out, but it's only because I had to decide to ACCEPT them. Freedom is a good thing, friends! Ask God what He has put in you, take it, receive it, accept it and live it. 

B is for "Boredom?" 

I am never bored. I actually can't remember the last time I felt boredom! There is constantly something going on! Always someone to talk to, laugh with, things to do, something happening! There's a main hallway that has become a hang out spot where people leg wrestle, fundraise, "read", do puzzles, talk, facetime..oh the list goes on and on. So there's a variety of options and I love it! We have an exciting crew and I love them dearly! 

C is for "Choices" 

Are you coming back to Oregon? Are  you staying with YWAM? When will you know? How will you get support? You really think you have the capability to lead people to Africa? Are you afraid? 

These are all questions I've been asked recently. And most I don't have answers to. Am I going to move back to Oregon? I don't know. I love Oregon, but as of now I'm content in Madison. Am I staying with YWAM? I don't know. If I could just make a guess I'd say yes, but who knows. When will I know? When God tells me. Not in a cliche way, but really, I'm totally dependent on Him for my info! How will I get support? I'm thankful my God is bigger than a number. Do I think I have the capability to lead a team to Africa? No. And yes. On my own, absolutely not. But my God is a big God. He is a powerful God, and He has the ability to use this life to do great things. I believe He can lead a team, and I believe He is in me, so yes. I believe I can lead a team. Am I afraid? Sometimes I do feel fear when I start focusing on me. Fear is a lie, and fear is a choice. I am choosing to say no to fear. 

Thanks for following my journey.

~Loves~ 

"Calm" Before the Storm

2 days until students start arriving!  AH!
We are currently in the midst of staff training, and by "we" I mean the 15 of us staffing this upcoming DTS. (15 of us, plus 32 students = one full house coming up soon!) During our training, we've been learning how to function as a team in a classroom setting, as well as doing work projects around the building. We've also spent time in prayer for the students individually, and for the school in general.  I'm excited to put what we've learned into practice!
It's definitely been busy around here! As soon as I'm done writing this, I'm off to a store to get my very first planner! I've never needed one before and can usually remember what my day looks like..But I've had to start writing everything down and it's just getting way too chaotic without some kind of organization. Honestly, I am nervous about being caught up in the busyness of it all and forgetting to take pleasure in the small things, or allowing myself to fully be in the moment. Would you pray for me in that area?
While praying about this time, I was asking God for specific words for this season. 1 thing I got was this word "boldness." To me, that's a scary word, and 1 I don't know a whole lot about. But He's showing me that I have a voice, opinions, and insights that are worth sharing. He's showing me that I am worth hearing, even in a group setting in which I usually choose to stay quiet.  He's showing me that it's ok to step out, to push beyond my self-made boundaries and to trust that I truly can hear His voice. I asked Him how I can live out that word and grow in that area. He didn't disappoint! I was asked to lead worship for our group, and I hesitantly said yes. That's not something I usually do and it pushed me out of my comfort zone big time, but this is a growing season, so I said yes. The day before I was supposed to lead, I found out that staff from our other bases would be coming out as well and joining us. *cue mini panic attack.* With all my heart I wanted to back down, and I think the only reason I didn't was pure stubbornness. But I was definitely panicked. I've never led worship for more than probably 10people or so, and this would definitely be way more..I asked someone to help me, and then another volunteered and so I thankfully wasn't alone! (Yay for teams!) sure enough, the next morning, we led worship and it went well! I was scared at first, but once I shifted my focus off the people and myself and on to God, I was at peace. God is good. I'm interested to see what else He has in store for me and how I will continue to grow in "boldness."
Quick prayer points:
•Re-learning how to be around people 27/7!
•Sanity! Sometimes when I get really tired I kinda start losing it..some of my dear teammates got to see this side of me this week but they reassured me with "it only gets worse from here!" So that was comforting ;)
•That was mostly a joke,  I haven't completely lost it yet, however I would appreciate prayers in how to manage stress in a better way than just shutting down.
•please be praying for our students! That this would be a good transition for them, and God would be preparing their hearts even now!
Thanks for praying for me while I'm on this insane journey of love, obedience, adventure, and FUN!

Settling In

"He has called each and every one of us to live a life of impossibility" -Pastor Joe Oby

This week I have laughed harder, thought deeper, slept better, and prayed more intensely, than I have in a LONG time. I've been back in Madison for 8 days now, it's flown by, and yet I feel like I've been here forever! How does that work?
It has been a challenging week trying to get settled in, but I finally feel like I'm better prepared for this next week now that I have a better idea of what's going on. Our schedule during the week was pretty insanely busy. Busier than I have been in ages! My days seemed to go from 7am to at LEAST 10pm every day with MAYBE an hour of breathing time in there. I'm so not used to being that busy every day! I found myself saying one day "I need to do some time management, I just don't have time to figure out how to manage my time!" And I've been told it only gets worse from here. Encouraging right!?  Being an extreme introvert spending all day being social, I found myself pretty exhausted by the end of each day! I would go through each day and list what we did, etc, etc, etc...but I don't remember every detail, I even went back through my journal for reminders of each day and literally a couple days my journal entries ended mid sentence! Examples:
    -Wednesday, Aug. 13 "I keep thinking of Leann telling me to consistently journal. I didn't realize how hard that would be! Every moment is packed and when I"   and then it ends. Just ends right there.
   -Thursday, Aug. 14 "I'm not sure how to"    I'm not sure what I didn't know how to do, but I guess I'll never know because that's where it ended...I'll need to work on my ability to finish a darn sentence before realizing I'm late to something, or before something comes up!

I've gotten to know quite a few people this week, doing different projects and going to staff houses for meals and such. I'm still blown away that God has called me to this life.
 I know I really haven't gone into much detail at all about anything, but I think that is where I'll end for right now. I thought it would be easy to keep up writing constantly, and it even crossed my mind that maybe I'll post too much! But I just kinda laugh at that now and hope I'll sit down and do another one before December :)

On a random side note, we had yesterday off and so I went to the FREE ZOO in Madison with a couple friends! Seriously so much fun! I haven't been to a zoo in quite some time. I hope to go back every single week for the remainder of my time here. :D

Sometimes Things Don't Go As Planned!

Ohhhhhh man. I hate running errands! My goal today was to get my passport renewed, shouldn't have been too hard, but it ended up taking a good 4 hours. ugh.
Overview:
~Tried to print the necessary documents, we don't have a printer and my sisters didn't work.
~Went to the library to use their computer/ printer
~Circled the block over and over to find free parking. Turns out you get an hour free, who knew!?
~ Aaaaand the Library was closed. Who closes the library on a Thursday!?
~Gave up on the document and went to Staples to make copies of my 2 forms of ID
~Did it wrong
~Went to the post office only to be sent home to get my birth certificate as my second form of ID instead of my actual passport.
~Oh, and I was told they couldn't transfer my India visa to my new passport and I'd have to call (?) India and see how that works. Yeah  OK let me just call up India real quick...
*cue frustration*
 ~Went home, finally found my birth certificate and headed BACK to Staples.
~The guy who was working let me do it for free! Yeah I saved a whole .10, but it was that random act of kindness that totally improved my attitude! Because at that point, I was hot, tired and frustrated. Thanks Staples dude!
~BACK to the post office and it went fairly smooth from there besides having to pay an arm and a leg...and then my other arm and other leg..
As a random tip though, if you have to get a passport picture taken, don't do it directly after driving around town everywhere on a 95degree day, in a car with no A/C. After the picture printed, the guy literally laughed at me. Yep. It's a keeper. It's OK, I only have to live with it for the next 10 YEARS! Oh well, it'll be a good story starter someday...
BUT it's over. It is renewed, and that stress is GONE. THANK YOU LORD!
So that was my drama of the day! Maybe next time I won't wait until the last minute to get things done next time!

Here We Go!

A new adventure, a new blog!

In 4 short days I leave beautiful Oregon, and head to Madison, WI! I will be staffing this fall for a DTS (Discipleship Training School) with YWAM (Youth With A Mission). I did my DTS in 2012, 3 months after I graduated. BUT I'm sure anyone/everyone who reads this already knows that!

Today I left my home for the past 3 summers, and last 14 months full time. I worked and lived on the amazing Oregon coast for a camp run through my church. It just might be my favorite place in the world! I have the most INCREDIBLE work family. I don't know why the Lord chose to bless me in the ways He has, but I'm not complaining! Leaving that all behind...well..it was rough to say the least.
As I drove out of that parking lot (after over an hour of saying "see-ya-laters" repeatedly, and receiving more hugs than I can even count) I had a major, toddler style meltdown. I lost it. I yelled at God for taking me out of that place, making me say good-bye to that amazing camp life, I asked why He was asking me to go alone, and why He hadn't let me just be content doing what I was doing. After I was finished yelling and accusing and was reduced to a sobbing blubbering mess, He started speaking to my heart. He didn't scold me for everything I had just said (what a gracious Father we have!) and instead, He let me know that it was OK to cry. Sometimes when I start to feel overwhelmed, I put up an "emotion block." I don't let myself feel because I'm afraid. Then it all builds up until I have a volcano moment, and that's never pretty. So today, I let myself cry. I cried and cried... I'm exhausted. But then I started out loud, declaring peace. Peace in my heart, in my emotions, in every part of my being. And, well, I felt peace. Overwhelming peace that passes understanding.
As I started to calm down, the song "Never Once" came on the radio. As I listened to the words again, it hit me in a whole new way, a way that reached me right where I was at. "Carried by Your constant grace, held within Your PERFECT peace, never once, no we never walk alone. Never once did we ever walk alone. Never once did you leave us on our own. You are FAITHFUL, God You are faithful."
By the end of my 3 hour drive, my heart had changed. Instead of being angry to be gone, I started thanking God for the time I had there. Instead of asking why I couldn't have been called to stay there longer, I thanked Him for the worthy calling He has given me.
He is SO faithful and so worth thanking.
Well, how's that for a first blog? Despite all the complaining you just read about, don't be deceived! I really AM excited to go back with YWAM! Excited to see my friends, be back in that close of a community, excited for constant adventures! I don't know how often I'll be on here. I love to write, so I'll probably post waaaaaay too much. Or I'll completely forget and you might not hear from me again for a month or 3 or 7. Just kidding, I really will try to be consistent!
Moral of this ranting story: God is good. ALL the time. ALL THE TIME.